U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
