I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Randomize
