I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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