He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
