i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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