i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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