My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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