he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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