ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
