i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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