Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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