why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
