I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
