Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
