Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
