RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Randomize
