All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
