I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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