i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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