so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
