i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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