eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
