At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
