Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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