Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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