Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
