she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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