I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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