I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
