i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The uberlube is also flammable
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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