her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
