so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize