i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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