maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
