I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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