i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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