I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
