I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize