those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
