break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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