my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
