My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
