My liver just broke up with me...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
