I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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