it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
