The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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