I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
