I can tuck mytits in my pants
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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