i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
