is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
