i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
