I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
