If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
