just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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