I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
