my shit smells like andre
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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