you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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