Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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