There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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