I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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