my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This baby is an asshole
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
