Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
