That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
