I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
