every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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