Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just want nice things and good sex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
