I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
