shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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