and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
