Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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