She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
