Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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