Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
