He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
