Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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