Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
