That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
