I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
