i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
